Shairf it seems as though your post was about gathering information about people's understanding of birth. You really seemed passionate about this topic since you took the time out to venture out into the city and figure out what the common people knew regarding the topic. Since the common people are the majority of people in the city it's important that they understand birth and be knowledgeable about it.
One aspect of your post that I particularly valued was the fact that you used your connections(college now class id card) to get into Hunter College to find out what people who are seeking more knowledge, and are supposedly more educated than the average citizen know about birth. It's a very creative idea I don't think many more people thought of going to a decent college in the city and interviewing regular students, as well as pre-nursing students. Your elevator speech in class really made me want to go to your blog and watch these interviews.
A reason why I think your project matters is because the common people are the majority of people that are affected by birth. It's most important for them to be educated and knowledgeable about such an important aspect of life that many people involve themselves in. These people need to be prepared for for brith and I really think by you going to Hunter College and investigating people's opinions, you tried to really see what's in people's minds. Since were both enrolled in a Psychology class in Hunter, I think that helped with your drive to uncover what was in the Hunter student's heads.
I would have appreciated more from you on this topic.Although your blog was solid and much better than mines, I think if you would have maybe tried to educate people at Hunter more after you found out how little they knew. Perhaps posting fliers with some knowledge we learned from the unit on the bulletin boards on some of the floors, or just handing them out to students would have helped. If that wasn't possible you could have had sheets that told the Hunter students how to educated themselves better by having the names of the books we read this unit, or even the name of the movie we all watched. Clearly you didn't need to do any of this since your blog and elevator speech were solid, but there just suggestions. Nicely done Sharif I'm very proud of your work here.
For Devin(Classmate):
Devin it seems as though your post was about a simple yet extremely important idea. Knowing when to cut the umbilical cord doesn't seem that important however, your blog helped show me and hopefully your other readers that it truly is. I sensed the battle between medical and natural in your blog because, you stated the perspectives of both natural and medical views.
One aspect of your post that I particularly valued was the fact that it seemed as though you tried to not be to biased with the side you picked. It was clear to me that you were pro waiting at least one minute to cut the umbilical cord. When you initially opened up your arguments you started off stating three reasons why the cord is cut. This was a smart decision because if your readers like me didn't know the reasons, we can learn them from you.
A reason why I think your project matter is because I think many Americans don't know how important the placenta is towards the babies and the mother's health. This obviously raises concerns because we want people that are directly involved in birth to know as much as possible, so that they can make the best decision for their family. I also agree with what Andy said in his comment, you definitely should have showed the flier to more people two is certainly not enough. This information that the public needs to get it's hands on. Please take Andy's advice and try and scan it so more people can see what great work you've done.
I would have appreciated more from you on this topic. Although you blog was solid and much better than mines, I think you could have tried to compare umbilical cord rates across the nation to find out where there were more and less cords being cut and why? You also could have compared umbilical cord rates between countries with better healthcare systems than us such as France? Clearly you didn't need to do any of this since your blog and elevator speech were solid, but there just suggestions.
Nicely done Devin I think your blog and speech were the best in the class. Keep up the good work.
For Bianca( Thinking/Writing Teammate):
Bianca,
It seems as though your blog was initially about abortion plain and simple. You talked about the political aspects of abortion, the two sides of abortions pro life or anti life, and briefly talked about Republicans and Democrats opinions on the matter.
One aspect of the post that I particularly valued was the fact that you found people of different races, and genders to get some diversity on your interviews. The more diverse the people you chose to interview the wider range of responses you'll get. You also interviewed people of our age group to find out how people in society attempted to influence us to a certain side on the topic. This showed me how my peers deal with such a touchy topic, and how they framed their own opinion based on information around them.
A reason why I think your project matters to me is because you are absolutely right here in the U.S. people have been 'coaxed' with these ideas of freedom. People think they since they have rights they can do and express what they believe. It turns out as of now there is no right answer to abortion. There are strong arguments made by both sides. You are simply trying to uncover how people came about forming their opinions. I hope while doing so you were able to evaluate yourself also and see how you formed your opinion, what those in your family think, and if you think you are subject to change?
Although your post was solid and much better than mines there is still some room for improvement. I think your post would have been much stronger if you opened your blog first exp laing what abortion is. You can't assume your readers will always know information on the topic your covering. You did this a little but I think more would have been better. While doing this you should have some cited sources also. Then you should have had a paragraph for what Republicans and Democrats feel on the issue. Giving the readers background information to make them feel educated is a good thing. You definitely don't need to take my advice since your post was so good, there simply suggestions. Keep up the good work, your post was creative and engaging. Including a video first is a great way to draw readers in. Thank you for your work.
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Mentor and Protege Comment Below:
From Stephen(Protege):
For Abdul,
Your post is basically about the differences between hospital and home births. You say the pros and cons of each, and how they affect people in America. This is a wise move because it's good to be able to connect your topic back to the public since there the ones being affected by this.
One aspect of the post I particularly valued was the interviews with your family. The humor presented in the interviews really helped to bring life to your blog. Honestly without them, I thought it was kind of boring. Hearing genuinely true, and partially ignorant ideas about birth was exciting.
A reason why your project matters to me is because you provided a ton of information and research that sounds true to the public. It's one thing to just give the public information, but you went above and beyond and gave your readers pros and cons from both natural and hospital birth without being terribly biased.
For some nice constructive criticism of your blog, it would have been greatly appreciated if you interviewed
more than two people. Hearing people's opinions on such an important topic would have been terrific and would have helped bring life to the blog. Also if you would have made a flier or a poster with all this information so that your information can be more accessible to the public would have helped spread awareness. Perhaps, posting fliers in your school or on a bulletin board. Overall solid job Abdul I look forward to your work in your next unit. Keep up the good work.
From Bianca(Thinking/Writing Team):
Abdul,
Your post was certainly informative and interesting to read. You start out by giving an objective view point of how both hospital and home birth have its risks and benefits. However, you ease into your core argument that it should not be about what is most convenient and best for the doctor but, what is best for the mother in labor. Such aspects have much more importance than a group of people arguing their stance even when the group is not participating in giving birth.
I valued the fact that you provided substantial information and statistics regarding the ridiculous aspects of our birthing industry. I had known that giving birth in a hospital cost money but, I didn't know the approximate cost. $13,000 is big number and I'm sure every woman has to spend a great deal of time thinking about what other expenses may come in the future. I also valued that you made this project somewhat personal by talking to your grandmother about it. I, for one, would never have had the motivation to talk to my own grandmother, simply because I'd imagine the conversation to be incredibly awkward.
Your project matters to me because you express sincere concern for the woman's role in the birthing process. It's clear that your intentions as a writer and an informer were to persuade us of a certain stance instead of being objective. I feel respected as a woman because you argue what I would probably argue if someone were to go against my wishes if I were to give birth. I also admire the fact that you went out of your way to interview the people around you.
Your project definitely had its strong points - your quotes and evidence, among other things, demonstrate that. I noticed a few mistakes here and there in your paper so, I'd say that proofreading your work once or twice would only clarify your point and make your argument more concise and coherent. In your first paragraph, you mention "The obgyn....more safe" (line 6). You should never assume that the reader has prior knowledge of what your discussing. OBGYN is an abbreviation for obstetrician and from my knowledge, not everyone knows this - I know I did not before we started the birth unit. You list a lot of statistics but, they lack analysis. I wouldn't go as far as to say that there was no analysis at all but, investigating the emotional aspects of the statistics, I believe, would be well worth your while.
Aside from that, I enjoyed reading your writing piece. The ending "If I had a home birth, you might not be here grateful Abdul." It might've been a tad cliche but, I happen to like cliches, for they are understood by most and are worded in a way that is considered clever. Thank you for your work! It has always been a pleasure to read your work - I look forward to future insights.
Bianca
From Ben:
It seems clear that for your project you were focusing on the differences between home and hospital births. Using evidence such as financial reasons and the comfort of the women, you support home birth as a solid alternative to the mechanical process of hospital births.
This topic matters to me because it is something that I intend to consider highly when having children of my own in the future. Although I am not the one who will ultimately be making the final decision, having this information is essential for women that are unsure of where to give birth. The conclusions made in your project are some that should be observed by all women today.
I really liked the way you were able to connect your topic to your personal life by speaking to your mother. Her opinion demonstrates the ignorance (no offense to Sheline of course) that you depict in your project.
One suggestion I would make would be to incorporate the opinions of any mothers who had experienced a home birth and observed how she felt about the debate. However, I understand that for some people this might be hard to come by. Overall, good job!
From Ms.D(Mentor):
Hi Abdul
This is a very interesting topic. Your paper is quite well organized, and you use a variety of reliable sources. As with your project on death, I enjoyed reading the insights that you gained from interviewing your family.
I agree with Bianca, though, that your paper would have been stronger had you provided more in-depth analysis. You say that hospital birth is a “nightmarish industrial atrocity” and state that “the reasons why less than 1% of woman do not feel comfortable having a home birth is either due to ignorance or fear.” However, I did not find compelling evidence or analysis in your paper to back up that claim. You make the valid point that hospital births are far costlier than home births for uninsured women, using cited statistics to back up your claim; however, your evidence also shows that home births are twice as expensive as hospital births for the far greater proportion of women who do have health insurance. You mention that women who encounter complications can be transported by ambulance to the hospital, but the time lost waiting for an ambulance can lead to unnecessary loss of life (I know this from having a friend with complications, and also just did some quick research: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10465473). Maybe there are factors that outweigh this risk, but they were not clearly presented. Beyond the statistics about cost and the interviews with your relatives, who did not seem particularly in favor of home birth, you did not provide any convincing reason to believe that home birth is a clearly a superior choice that women would eschew only out of “ignorance or fear.”
My father was born in the same bed as his father, in their family’s home. I don’t have anything in particular against home births, and in fact I would have liked to know more about the benefits involved. I’m only giving you a bit of a hard time because it’s especially important to back up strong statements about controversial subjects! As always, I enjoyed reading your post. Thanks for sharing.
From Kevin:
This project focused on comparing the benefits of home and hospital birth. In the project you support home birth as a good alternative for hospital birth. You also show other people's opinions and education about home birth.
As someone that doesn't support the home birth movement, the way you presented information, as well as the range of sources created a pretty persuasive paper.
This paper matters to me because it advocates for home birth, which is basically the opposite of my project. It is nice to read what some other people think on the same issue.
Bianca said some of what you wrote was cliche, but as Andy will soon realize cliches make the world go round. Keep the cliches, but watch out for grammar mistakes, and keeping your ideas easy to follow.
From Tamiko:
your project really picked at the key reason why many do not know of the alternative of home births. our country, the United States, do not provide the community with enough information to know of a hospitals birth's faults.connecting to the United States healthcare system was also very clever and essential to birth unit. your project stands out to me because me because you touch upon little bit of everything. to make your project better i feel you have many clever ideas but you must intertwine them together. something i didnt look to do myself. good job abdoul
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